Panini Sunday and My Little Breakdown

The only good things about this Sunday were these sandwiches, and the amazing cloudy spring weather.

The sandwiches are nothing special. Grilled cheese and chicken, basically. But they work well as comfort food. And yes, I need comfort.

My life is spinning out of control and I'm doing nothing. I feel as if I'm stuck in a rut and I just want to be done with things but there is no end in sight. Or at least, no end in sight until after a few very, very, VERY tough months.

Our FYP report is due by the end of April. It has to be about 20,000 words. We have to interview 10 leaders, with 3 sub-ordinates each, and write a case study on each leader. We have, to date, interviewed exactly ONE leader, and his three subordinates. The rest, not only have we not interviewed, but we're still begging for appointments. We don't have a single case study done.

We are having our mid-term exams now days. They go on till this Tuesday. We want to travel to Lahore, for the Lahore interviews, on the coming weekend [8th April], because the weekend after that [16th] is NASCON.

I changed "Cheerful" to "Energetic" later

I'm event head for Little Artists, which is an art-camp/art competition for kids, designed to give a softer side to NASCON.  When I signed up for the position, I just did not think it would be so difficult to juggle this along with everything else! I can't get enough time to call meetings and form teams and delegate tasks and I swear I'm trying really hard. There is absolutely no one to take up the slack for me either.

This is probably not all that big, but what with having five courses, one of which is Inferential Statistics [which I SUCK at], and wanting to jack up my CGPA in this semester, the pressure is crazy. What is worse is that it's not the kind of pressure which is motivating me to work harder. I'm all burnt out. I'm not doing much work. I feel ineffectual and numb and useless.

I leave home for school at 7 am, and get back home around eight pm most days. Once there, I just want to SLEEP. I'm not getting anything done. And I'm just so frightened of the crash that is just around the corner if I don't get my act together.

Argh.



*sigh*



Lessons [part two]

34. The worst way to spend life is with regrets.
35. Leaving is easy. Going back is very, very difficult.
36. Photographs are important. People will leave, time will change, photographs are forever.
37. Remember to make back-up files if you want your photographs to be forever.
38. There will always be people who take photographs, and then don’t share them. You can beg till you’re blue in the face, but to no avail. You’ve got to learn to forgive them.
39. Do not get your photographs taken by the people who have a history of not sharing them. It only adds to your heart-ache.
40. Blue? Put up a sad status on facebook. People WILL make you feel better.
41. The people who get you food when you’re sad are your real friends.
42. Don’t change too much because of someone else. One day, they will change or leave, and you won’t know how to go back to being yourself.
43. Deciding who to get married to is very, very, VERY difficult.
44. Deciding WHEN to get married is also very, very, VERY difficult.
45. Physical exertion is the BEST way to get over anything.
46. Basketball ftw.
47. Just because someone’s older doesn’t mean they’re smarter.
48. Dark circles suck.
49. Cooking is fun only as long as you don’t have to do the dishes.
50. Pets and babies are cute. Potty training is a bitch.
51. Mothers HAVE to get super angry at you atleast once a month. It’s in their job description.
52. It’s the little things that will always matter.
53. Being random is fun.
54. People will always talk behind your back. Remember “mujhe farq ni parta”, and give them better material to build upon.
55. Lists help.
56. Never give your significant other the address to your blog.
57. The people who will leave will do so, regardless of whatever you do to try to hold them to you. You can only delay the inevitable.
58. You cannot change anyone’s nature.
59. There is no such thing as ‘forever’. Nothing is ‘forever’.
60. 90% guys will be exactly like their fathers.
61. Some people will pity you for wanting to get married and have babies. Some people will pity you for not wanting to get married and have babies.
62. Staying happy is something you have to constantly work to achieve.
63. When you obsess and worry over one thing possibly going wrong, something absolutely unexpected probably will.
64. In hindsight, you will always be "better off now" and things will have always "turned out for the best".
65. A broken heart mends faster than you ever think it could.
66. Nothing stops hair fall.
67. The HR people will always be nice, even when there's no chance in hell of you ever getting that job.
68. Guys make better friends than girls, most of the time.
69. Every once in a while, you need time away from every single person you know, to be able to make some sense of life.

To be continued.

Lessons

I'm a list maker. I make lists when I'm confused, and need to plan something out. I make them when I'm happy, and I make them when I'm sad or angry. I also make them when I'm bored: in the loo and during the Operational Management class. These lists can be about anything and everything.

This is one I started quite some time back, and I like to add to it every once in a while. It is list of things I've learnt from life thus far. Bear with the cynicism. I started it when I was going through a really rough patch, and it shows. =)

1. “Some day” never comes.
2. You ALWAYS have a choice. When you let others make decisions to govern your life, you’re CHOOSING to give them that control.
3. You’re the one responsible for your life. It’s never anyone else’s fault, but yours.
4. The only difference between a “good life” and a “horrible life” is that of perspective.
5. No one is as happy as they seem to you.
6. It’s easier to pretend to be happy than to explain why you’re not.
7. There will always be politics. The only way out of it is to keep at a distance. From everybody.
8. Relationships are very, very difficult.
9. Very few people ever take you at face value.
10. Over-thinking and second guessing makes for a sad life.
11. The best thing to do when you’re sad is to imagine all the ways it could have been worse.
12. When you realize it’s going nowhere, cut your losses.
13. You’ll look good only when you believe you look good.
14. Confident bull-shit gets you places.
15. The best answer to everything life throws at you is “mujhe farq nai parta”. It’s no fun trying to needle someone who just doesn’t care.
16. You can be whoever you want to be, at any given time.
17. Absolute strangers are the best confidantes.
18. The saddest thing in the world is to not belong.
19. The best thing in the world is to belong.
20. Sometimes cakes don’t rise. It’s not your fault. Throw out the mess and try it again.
21. It’s stupid to depend on any one for the long haul.
22. The world doesn’t like you if you’re too in control. Fall apart once in a while to let people feel useful.
23. A clean break hurts least.
24. Most guys dislike smart, confident, straight-forward women. Most guys like slightly silly, damsel-in-distress types.
25. Brash confrontations never get you anywhere.
26. Things always look better the next morning. ALWAYS.
27. When you’re pissed, DO NOT TEXT. It may be saved and used against you.
28. Sometimes you’ve got to pretend you understood the dirty joke. Sometimes you have to pretend you didn’t.
29. You grow up and grow apart. That’s just how it is.
30. No use depending on promises. They can always say “we were wrong” or “we made a mistake” and take it all back, anyway.
31. You’re as young as you act.
32. Boys have more fun.
33. There will ALWAYS be someone who dislikes you intensely. No getting away from it.

Okay, the post is too long! I'll continue with a part two!

A Rich Man's World

I'm a very messy person. And it's not really laziness, I just don't think cleaning is a very productive activity. I mean, I will [happily] cook for fifty, just don't ask me to clean up -before or after! Of course that doesn't endear yours truly to mum too much, but for the most part, I'm allowed to wallow in my mess as long as I keep it to my room. 

Which, by the way, is totally acceptable to me =D

My Red Goluck. I love red.

Think of my room as a relief in multiple mediums. There are heaps of clothes, heaps of books, heaps of cosmetics, heaps of jewellery, and so on. But it is organized chaos, for the heaps are divided into sub heaps: a heap of clean clothes, a heap of dirty clothes, a heap of winter clothes to be folded and packed for the season, a heap of winter clothes to be sent to the dry cleaner, a heap of clothes to be ironed and hung... You get my point?

So anyway, onto my actual story. This story begins with the heap of old, but well-loved, books in the north-east corner of my room, where I also 'kept' my old goluck. A goluck is an earthenware round money bank. I had had this one for ages, and it had been quite some time since I had last put any money into it. It was just there. 



She doesn't look so evil right now, but she is, I promise!



Well, one day, I notice that it has been broken open. Probably the handiwork of the Snowball The Evil. Of course I don't pick it up or anything. That wouldn't be like me. It just sat there for days, broken bits of pottery all around it.

Until the day I decided to take photos of it.

Now I've had a tough couple of months financially, and I've been perpetually whining about it. My dad decided we didn't know enough about money management, and imposed a strict budget. And i don't mean pocket money, i mean an honest to goodness budget. We have to manage ALL our expenses. Clothes, shoes, cosmetics, everything. Scary, isn't it? So yeah, I was having a little trouble.

While taking these photographs, I got thinking, though. This goluck has been lying, open, in my room for days. I could see the money inside. There had to be at least a few hundred. And i had not bothered to check it out, even while i was cribbing about lack of funds all the time!

I was being so ungrateful! I created a cash crisis for myself, and was so down about it, when, to be honest, had it actually been that bad, would i not have used the money that was lying right there in my room? What needs of mine were not being fulfilled? I was being dishonest to myself!

I dumped the goluck's contents into a bag and handed them over to Akash. He's a little [six-ish, I would say] boy from a family of eleven siblings, who live in the small christian colony near our house. He comes (uncalled!) every morning to ask for odd jobs, and usually spends the morning at our house. Whatever you ask him to do, he does it conscientiously. He sells boiled eggs at the bazaar every evening too. He's trying to collect enough money to get new clothes for his uncles wedding in May. My mum is playing bank, and he brings her all his money to keep safe. It's been at least two months, and he hasn't spent a single rupee.

He's the one who should be whining, not me. But he isn't. This little kid is just trying to make ends meet, and he's doing it honestly too. His "goal" isn't so big, at least it wouldn't be to any of us. But it's pretty difficult for him, what with his family barely getting enough to eat even with two working parents.

Makes you think, doesn't it?  

Creamy Mushroom Pasta

One of my all time favorite recipes!!! It is quick to make, difficult to mess up, can take a lot of improvisations, and is awesome comfort food! I've shared the recipe with a lot of friends over the years, and even absolute cooking novices have no trouble whipping this up.

Ingredients

1 packet pasta + water to boil

Around 5 tablespoons oil

1 tin button mushrooms, thinly sliced

1 medium onion, finely chopped

1 tsp oregano seeds [ajwain]

Around 7 tablespoons all-purpose flour

2 Cups Milk

2 Cups water

To taste:

Chicken cubes/buillon cubes/chicken powder

Red chilli flakes

Other herbs: basil, rosemary, thyme

100ml/half packet cream

Cheese

Red chilli flakes and Oregano seeds!

I did almost burn the sauce, taking pictures =p

1. Boil the pasta according to instructions on the package, drain and set aside.
2. In a non-stick sauce pan, heat oil, and saute the onions and mushrooms until tender. Add the oregano seeds.
3. Dump in the flour, mixing well, so that the oil absorbs the flour to make a thick paste. Let it bubble for a minute. [it's called a "roux" I believe]
4. Warm the milk and water [together]. Stir it, slowly, over medium heat, into the roux, mixing well so no lumps form.  
5. The mixture will bubble to form a sauce. If it's too thin, let it simmer over low heat. If too thick, add a little more warmed milk to thin.
6. Now that the basic mushroom sauce is ready, add seasoning: Chicken cubes/buillon cubes or chicken powder needs to be added first. Add to taste.
7. Then add salt [if needed], black pepper or crushed red chilli flakes, herbs such as basil, thyme etc. Make small additions and keep tasting until you get it just right.
8. In the end add cheese and/or cream. These may be skipped for a low [-er =p] calorie dish.
9. Add the pasta to the sauce, fold, and dish out!

FYP-ing all over the city!

FYP stands for Final Year Project, which actually happens to be the 3 credit hour project we are required to do in our last semester, and without which our degree is incomplete!  The FYP is supposed to "have greater scope than a mere semester project", which means a lot more work needs to go into it. Unfortunately, since a semester is all we have to do it in, this just means we're going nuts over it now!  



Our FYP is about leadership. The formal title is "Developing the next generation of Pakistani business leaders: Case studies and documentary". The idea behind the project is the need for authentic case studies representing the Pakistani business community, in terms of leadership development, emergence, and individual personalities, which would inspire and encourage the next generation to come forward as business leaders.

We propose to research successful Pakistani business leaders, to illuminate their struggles, triumphs and journeys, and present case studies on them. A short documentary with interview excerpts is also one of the deliverables.

What it means is that at the moment, we are going through the absolutely horrible process of trying to get appointments with the clanking top brass of the business community. And as most Pakistani's would be able to guess, the Hashwani's and the Saifullah's and the Mansha's of this world do not give appointments easily! So we spend every other day tramping all over the city, visiting the residences and offices of the people on our list, trying to beg our way in! The idea is, if we wait outside long enough, they have to emerge some time, don't they? =D And because we're a group of five pretty [we like to think so ;)] girls, we're hoping nobody will sic their guards on us!

There is a fun side to the FYP though. Dressing up, driving around, eating a lot, and sleepovers!! We make ever khwari trip an occassion! We listen to music, gossip, make time to stop for lunch or snacks in between appointments, and laugh a lot.



At Savour for lunch

Last thursday, we had the first FYP sleepover at my place. We spent the night working on the literature review for our project, but the serious work was heavily dosed with random crazy moments. We danced, took weird pictures, gave each other henna tattoos [read tramp-stamps =p], and slept for barely two hours, before waking up at 7 am to get ready for our first interview appointment at 10 am!

No matter how strenuos this routine feels right now, I know we're going to miss this time where our biggest worry is what Dr. Sadia [our supervisor]  will say about the latest submission. Soon, our lives will consist of job hunts, weddings, office politics, in-laws... and we'll miss this camaraderie, these friendships, this laughter.  

My Brides

Busy as the last two days were, I sure am glad I took that impromptu break in the middle of the week! I had a bride’s wedding henna booked in for Thursday, and another bride’s nikkah henna for Friday. AND I had my Final Year Project [thesis] proposal defense at 9 am on Saturday! Talk about high-pressure!

HennArt, a tiny body-art and customized wedding accessories business, is my baby. I have always loved mehndi. The scent, the shades and colors, the scratch of the cone-tip on ones palm, what’s not to love? And I love pretty much all that is associated with it too –weddings, hope, excitement, love, dressing up, fattening food [=p], dance practices- the list goes on and on!

What I like best, though, is meeting so many new people on a regular basis. I’m a people-person, and there’s nothing I like more than getting to know different individuals, finding out what makes them who they are, getting to know their story. My clients are mostly brides, and over the [roughly] four hours it takes for me to do heavy bridal henna, we truly bond. I invite them to relax and make themselves comfortable because very soon they’re going to have to sit up in a heavy jora [AND smile] for hours anyway. And I talk. Usually, they talk back.

We spend these hours chatting about the random-est things ever. I like hearing their wedding plans –what they’re wearing, who are they going to for make-up, and are the mehndi dances all prepared? Some of them will share other things too: Their apprehensions, emotions, and joy; their satisfaction, fears and hopes; their histories and their plans for the future. And often, I will hear love stories.

It’s a beautiful thing to be a part of. It makes me feel as if I’m contributing, somehow, to make their time special.

Frequently, their stories make me evaluate my own self. I hear about their set-backs, their triumphs, and their journeys. They give me an insight into so many diverse perspectives, so many different life-styles and points-of-view. Their happiness makes me inexplicably happy, though I know I’ll perhaps never see most of them again. And I say a little prayer for every single one of these women, who are taking an immense leap into the unknown, unpredictable future.

I wish them lasting happiness, a healthy life, and kind, thoughtful associates. I wish them love. And most importantly, I wish them the best of qismet.

Here are some of the photographs from HennArt this week:

Thursday

Pretty feet!

She chose the design off the internet, unfortunately I don't know the source so I can not give due credit!

 

Friday

 

Adnan's Bride! =D

 

Her brother chose this design off my fb page, where I had uploaded the henna from Thursday! =)

Oh oh and here's the link to my facebook business page : 

 https://www.facebook.com/pages/HennArt/141703449177537?ref=ts