The Final Year Trip

I was so scared I wouldn't be able to go, especially because very few girls were going, and I knew my parents would have a problem about it. But this trip is like the final glaze on the fantastic four years spent at uni, and there was no way I was ready to miss it, even if I was the only female going. The six days we spent touring the northern areas of Pakistan were well worth all the begging, cajoling and anxiety that went before! 

I swear, those six days, it felt like we were in a movie. You know, Dil Chahta Hai type. Or even Rang De Basanti but without the bloodshed. Driving around country lanes with friends, breath taking scenic beauty all around... life was spectacular.   

We spent hours and hours (and hours) in our buses and, later, in our jeeps, singing songs, playing countless hands of bluff, snacking randomly and sleeping [those of us who could].

Zain, asleep on  the poor drivers shoulder on the jeep ride to Astore

The driver finally made him sit in the back!

I could, obviously, sleep.

There were trekking and hiking trips...

 

Hiking to Rama Lake

...and splashing about in nearly frozen lakes...

We had this competition about who could stay in the freezing water longest and I WON I swear

 My shocking pink slipperssss <3

And then there was the trip to the Deosai Plains, to see the spectacular frozen lake. We were the first tourists after the thaw, and locals by the road side cheered up on as we passed through the fantastic vistas in our open jeep. A small pack of wild horses crossed our path, manes flying in the winds, to disappear over a small hillock. The snow, the patches of greenery... even the clouds were amazingly beautiful.

Astore Valley

Astore Valley

A view of The Killer Mountain (NangaParbat) from Raikot

The Deosai Plains

The lake itself just took our breath away. Cradled in the midst of mountains on one side and plains on the others, the lake was absolutely still. It seemed, standing there, as if Time had frozen in that valley. The water of the lake had frozen in waves, each crest and trough easily discernible. We could only stare at it in awe and wonder at the beauty of God and His creations.

The spectacular Deosai Lake

On the way back, we had another amazing experience:

Yes, we peed here.

Yes, the rest of the thirteen vehicles [and some seventy guys] waited =D

The trip would not have been this awesome but for my friends, who stood by me through all my fights with the ignorant faculty supervisor, shared their food with me, got me countless cups of coffee, put up with my bossy ways.... the list goes on and on. =)

Our fugly snow-weirdo in Deosai

Our Rama attempt, Astore

 There was so much dust on the road!

In front of the frozen Deosai Lake

Photography by: Usman Zahid, Najeen, Rehan Tariq, Fahad Raza, Fatema Ahmed

Little Artists!

It's been so long since I last posted, and such a lot of life I've lived in these months! I promise, I've thought about blogging at least every other day, but I don't know why I just wouldn't make the move.

But yes, about my life since May. Well, remember that Sunday in when I had that break down I talked about? Let's take it from there.

I am happy to report that every SINGLE issue I highlighted in that post resolved to the best possible results. That is the beauty of analysis in hindsight. It allows you to see the patterns so clearly - how God had it all planned out from the get-go, and you were just wasting energy hyperventilating about things you cannot control. I am, in no way, against the occasional mellow dramatic breakdown. In fact, I quite enjoy mine, and I have great faith in their contribution to a healthier, happier life. But hindsight makes you feel foolish about it. Some times.

Anyway, I digress. To get back on track, let me tell you about the Little Artists' Competitiiioooonnnn! Eeeeeeks! I get so excited just thinking back about those days! SO much stress - I ACTUALLY cried (with tears and all) when I did not get my designated venue empty and clean in time from the Creative department [who were using it as their work place], the night before the competition! But the excitement, the drama, the thrill of bringing together an event, ensuring everything runs smoothly, last minute issues, dealing with crisis situations [there were many!] and then playing with the children... It was LOVELY! I'm very results oriented, and it was out of this world to get the direct feedback from teachers and parents, as well as see the excitement of the children and know they were able to have FUN!

We had face painting, mask making, macaroni jewellery making, pottery painting, even dancing [waka waka ftw!] along with the actual competitions! My team was one of the largest in the whole of NASCON, and we definitely had the largest number of participants [MORE that eighty kids under the age of twelve and even a couple of babies! <3] compared to any other event! I have to add that every single member of my team pulled their weight. We had the best security, who ensured no kids could run out of our camp area unless escorted by their own parent, teacher, or our team members, even to go to the loo! It is a credit to my fantastic team that, in those two hectic full days, with more than eighty children and at least fifty rotating adults, there was not a single case where a child wandered off or was lost!

The event did not go off without a hitch -there were, in fact, some serious glitches due to miscommunications between participating schools and parents' of participating children [actually nothing to do with us, but we got caught in the cross fire]. Right before the start of the event, the parents assumed it was our mistake and, as the person in charge, I got a fantastic scolding from a few of the more aggressive individuals!

  They do look formidable, don't they?

It makes me happier, today, knowing that we were able to deal successfully with what could have turned out to be the deal breaker issues for our event! There was not a SINGLE parent or teacher who went away unhappy, and the kids just did not want to leave! =D

I was SO in my element rushing around bossing people! =D

For All of You

Credit: Z.Z.K.A 

My four years at NU-FAST have finally come to an end. We're going through our last week at uni now days, and I have very confusing feelings about this.

If you know me at all, you know that I'm an extremely emotional person. And if you knew me back in my A'levels, you'd know that I spent the last month and a half before high school ended crying. I hate good byes. I cannot stand losing people.

And this is losing them. no matter what we say, regardless of all the promises we make to stay in touch and get together frequently, the truth is, in another month or so, life as we know it will be no more.

These are the people I've seen every day of my life, through eighteen to twenty-two: the years that have had a huge impact on me; which shaped who I am and decided how I will look at, and deal with, the rest of my life. These people have seen me cry, shout and have nervous break-downs. We've acted crazy, had fun, and gotten in trouble together. I've had arguments with most of them. We've worked together on projects and put together events. We've loved each other and we've hated each other.

We have history together. And in a few days, all we will have are memories.

I'm happy to think of the future. No more assignments, no more worrying about grades. The thought of being economically independant is a huge rush. We're finally "growing up", and maybe that'll be fun. At the very least, it will finally be a break from the constant academic pressure. But I'm going to miss every single one of these people. Even the ones I actively dislike.

FAST is home. I've belonged here, and it has belonged to me. For four long years I entered here every morning, and if I so desired, I could stay here well into the night. We could do whatever we wanted, sit where ever we liked, and do it with the confidence that we could. In my mind these corridors will always resound with the songs we sang here, the common rooms with shared confidences. There were gossip sessions in empty class rooms, dancing in the ladies room, and celebrations in the cafeteria. There were impromptu basketball games, and hundreds of new friendships. We took life changing decisions and made critical choices, and worked through depression, hurt and anger with these friends. There were squabbles over work, class politics, and begging random juniors for lunch money. And there was a whole lot of love.  

This is what I see when I look back over the last four years. This is what I'll always remember.

This is what I will forever miss.  



Panini Sunday and My Little Breakdown

The only good things about this Sunday were these sandwiches, and the amazing cloudy spring weather.

The sandwiches are nothing special. Grilled cheese and chicken, basically. But they work well as comfort food. And yes, I need comfort.

My life is spinning out of control and I'm doing nothing. I feel as if I'm stuck in a rut and I just want to be done with things but there is no end in sight. Or at least, no end in sight until after a few very, very, VERY tough months.

Our FYP report is due by the end of April. It has to be about 20,000 words. We have to interview 10 leaders, with 3 sub-ordinates each, and write a case study on each leader. We have, to date, interviewed exactly ONE leader, and his three subordinates. The rest, not only have we not interviewed, but we're still begging for appointments. We don't have a single case study done.

We are having our mid-term exams now days. They go on till this Tuesday. We want to travel to Lahore, for the Lahore interviews, on the coming weekend [8th April], because the weekend after that [16th] is NASCON.

I changed "Cheerful" to "Energetic" later

I'm event head for Little Artists, which is an art-camp/art competition for kids, designed to give a softer side to NASCON.  When I signed up for the position, I just did not think it would be so difficult to juggle this along with everything else! I can't get enough time to call meetings and form teams and delegate tasks and I swear I'm trying really hard. There is absolutely no one to take up the slack for me either.

This is probably not all that big, but what with having five courses, one of which is Inferential Statistics [which I SUCK at], and wanting to jack up my CGPA in this semester, the pressure is crazy. What is worse is that it's not the kind of pressure which is motivating me to work harder. I'm all burnt out. I'm not doing much work. I feel ineffectual and numb and useless.

I leave home for school at 7 am, and get back home around eight pm most days. Once there, I just want to SLEEP. I'm not getting anything done. And I'm just so frightened of the crash that is just around the corner if I don't get my act together.

Argh.



*sigh*



Lessons [part two]

34. The worst way to spend life is with regrets.
35. Leaving is easy. Going back is very, very difficult.
36. Photographs are important. People will leave, time will change, photographs are forever.
37. Remember to make back-up files if you want your photographs to be forever.
38. There will always be people who take photographs, and then don’t share them. You can beg till you’re blue in the face, but to no avail. You’ve got to learn to forgive them.
39. Do not get your photographs taken by the people who have a history of not sharing them. It only adds to your heart-ache.
40. Blue? Put up a sad status on facebook. People WILL make you feel better.
41. The people who get you food when you’re sad are your real friends.
42. Don’t change too much because of someone else. One day, they will change or leave, and you won’t know how to go back to being yourself.
43. Deciding who to get married to is very, very, VERY difficult.
44. Deciding WHEN to get married is also very, very, VERY difficult.
45. Physical exertion is the BEST way to get over anything.
46. Basketball ftw.
47. Just because someone’s older doesn’t mean they’re smarter.
48. Dark circles suck.
49. Cooking is fun only as long as you don’t have to do the dishes.
50. Pets and babies are cute. Potty training is a bitch.
51. Mothers HAVE to get super angry at you atleast once a month. It’s in their job description.
52. It’s the little things that will always matter.
53. Being random is fun.
54. People will always talk behind your back. Remember “mujhe farq ni parta”, and give them better material to build upon.
55. Lists help.
56. Never give your significant other the address to your blog.
57. The people who will leave will do so, regardless of whatever you do to try to hold them to you. You can only delay the inevitable.
58. You cannot change anyone’s nature.
59. There is no such thing as ‘forever’. Nothing is ‘forever’.
60. 90% guys will be exactly like their fathers.
61. Some people will pity you for wanting to get married and have babies. Some people will pity you for not wanting to get married and have babies.
62. Staying happy is something you have to constantly work to achieve.
63. When you obsess and worry over one thing possibly going wrong, something absolutely unexpected probably will.
64. In hindsight, you will always be "better off now" and things will have always "turned out for the best".
65. A broken heart mends faster than you ever think it could.
66. Nothing stops hair fall.
67. The HR people will always be nice, even when there's no chance in hell of you ever getting that job.
68. Guys make better friends than girls, most of the time.
69. Every once in a while, you need time away from every single person you know, to be able to make some sense of life.

To be continued.

Lessons

I'm a list maker. I make lists when I'm confused, and need to plan something out. I make them when I'm happy, and I make them when I'm sad or angry. I also make them when I'm bored: in the loo and during the Operational Management class. These lists can be about anything and everything.

This is one I started quite some time back, and I like to add to it every once in a while. It is list of things I've learnt from life thus far. Bear with the cynicism. I started it when I was going through a really rough patch, and it shows. =)

1. “Some day” never comes.
2. You ALWAYS have a choice. When you let others make decisions to govern your life, you’re CHOOSING to give them that control.
3. You’re the one responsible for your life. It’s never anyone else’s fault, but yours.
4. The only difference between a “good life” and a “horrible life” is that of perspective.
5. No one is as happy as they seem to you.
6. It’s easier to pretend to be happy than to explain why you’re not.
7. There will always be politics. The only way out of it is to keep at a distance. From everybody.
8. Relationships are very, very difficult.
9. Very few people ever take you at face value.
10. Over-thinking and second guessing makes for a sad life.
11. The best thing to do when you’re sad is to imagine all the ways it could have been worse.
12. When you realize it’s going nowhere, cut your losses.
13. You’ll look good only when you believe you look good.
14. Confident bull-shit gets you places.
15. The best answer to everything life throws at you is “mujhe farq nai parta”. It’s no fun trying to needle someone who just doesn’t care.
16. You can be whoever you want to be, at any given time.
17. Absolute strangers are the best confidantes.
18. The saddest thing in the world is to not belong.
19. The best thing in the world is to belong.
20. Sometimes cakes don’t rise. It’s not your fault. Throw out the mess and try it again.
21. It’s stupid to depend on any one for the long haul.
22. The world doesn’t like you if you’re too in control. Fall apart once in a while to let people feel useful.
23. A clean break hurts least.
24. Most guys dislike smart, confident, straight-forward women. Most guys like slightly silly, damsel-in-distress types.
25. Brash confrontations never get you anywhere.
26. Things always look better the next morning. ALWAYS.
27. When you’re pissed, DO NOT TEXT. It may be saved and used against you.
28. Sometimes you’ve got to pretend you understood the dirty joke. Sometimes you have to pretend you didn’t.
29. You grow up and grow apart. That’s just how it is.
30. No use depending on promises. They can always say “we were wrong” or “we made a mistake” and take it all back, anyway.
31. You’re as young as you act.
32. Boys have more fun.
33. There will ALWAYS be someone who dislikes you intensely. No getting away from it.

Okay, the post is too long! I'll continue with a part two!

A Rich Man's World

I'm a very messy person. And it's not really laziness, I just don't think cleaning is a very productive activity. I mean, I will [happily] cook for fifty, just don't ask me to clean up -before or after! Of course that doesn't endear yours truly to mum too much, but for the most part, I'm allowed to wallow in my mess as long as I keep it to my room. 

Which, by the way, is totally acceptable to me =D

My Red Goluck. I love red.

Think of my room as a relief in multiple mediums. There are heaps of clothes, heaps of books, heaps of cosmetics, heaps of jewellery, and so on. But it is organized chaos, for the heaps are divided into sub heaps: a heap of clean clothes, a heap of dirty clothes, a heap of winter clothes to be folded and packed for the season, a heap of winter clothes to be sent to the dry cleaner, a heap of clothes to be ironed and hung... You get my point?

So anyway, onto my actual story. This story begins with the heap of old, but well-loved, books in the north-east corner of my room, where I also 'kept' my old goluck. A goluck is an earthenware round money bank. I had had this one for ages, and it had been quite some time since I had last put any money into it. It was just there. 



She doesn't look so evil right now, but she is, I promise!



Well, one day, I notice that it has been broken open. Probably the handiwork of the Snowball The Evil. Of course I don't pick it up or anything. That wouldn't be like me. It just sat there for days, broken bits of pottery all around it.

Until the day I decided to take photos of it.

Now I've had a tough couple of months financially, and I've been perpetually whining about it. My dad decided we didn't know enough about money management, and imposed a strict budget. And i don't mean pocket money, i mean an honest to goodness budget. We have to manage ALL our expenses. Clothes, shoes, cosmetics, everything. Scary, isn't it? So yeah, I was having a little trouble.

While taking these photographs, I got thinking, though. This goluck has been lying, open, in my room for days. I could see the money inside. There had to be at least a few hundred. And i had not bothered to check it out, even while i was cribbing about lack of funds all the time!

I was being so ungrateful! I created a cash crisis for myself, and was so down about it, when, to be honest, had it actually been that bad, would i not have used the money that was lying right there in my room? What needs of mine were not being fulfilled? I was being dishonest to myself!

I dumped the goluck's contents into a bag and handed them over to Akash. He's a little [six-ish, I would say] boy from a family of eleven siblings, who live in the small christian colony near our house. He comes (uncalled!) every morning to ask for odd jobs, and usually spends the morning at our house. Whatever you ask him to do, he does it conscientiously. He sells boiled eggs at the bazaar every evening too. He's trying to collect enough money to get new clothes for his uncles wedding in May. My mum is playing bank, and he brings her all his money to keep safe. It's been at least two months, and he hasn't spent a single rupee.

He's the one who should be whining, not me. But he isn't. This little kid is just trying to make ends meet, and he's doing it honestly too. His "goal" isn't so big, at least it wouldn't be to any of us. But it's pretty difficult for him, what with his family barely getting enough to eat even with two working parents.

Makes you think, doesn't it?