Free

Have you ever felt free?

I have lived a beautiful, blessed life. I love my family and friends. I have done almost anything and everything I ever wanted to do. I was presented by great opportunities, and was supported by my family is taking up any that I wanted. I have never been oppressed, never been held back.

But have you ever felt free?

What does that even mean? Of course I was free. I chose my university, I chose what field I wanted to go into. I chose where I wanted to work. I chose whom I wanted to get engaged to. I was never bound in any way. I have always been free.

Just not like this. 

No, not like this. Not the way I feel right now.

I went to school, college, university. Had friends, lost friends, found love, found a job, got engaged, so on and so forth. Just your basic, amazing life. I was extremely happy, very very comfortable. I never wanted it to change. If it were up to me, I'd never have left. But due to one amazing person in my life, I did move, and my life, as I knew it, seemed to suddenly fall away. First came the homesickness, the longing for all that was familiar - and it's still here, because I don't think I'll ever let go of it completely; but then came this heady rush of freedom.

This freedom is not freedom from people, because it was never people that held me back. This freedom comes from within me. It is the realization that the world is huge, and I am infinitesimal. The understanding that what I considered my universe was but a tiny piece of the whole, and for once, the whole is within my reach.

It is a beautiful feeling to be able to look at a map of the world and accept that there is no where in God's world that I can't go, if I try hard enough. I hadn't looked at a map in forever. Why would I, I had no need of it, I wasn't going anywhere. Now when I look at it, I'm fascinated. There is just so much to see.

There is freedom in being able to talk to people from Australia on a boat in Key West. There is freedom in discussing God with a stranger on a bus. There is freedom in standing in the Atlantic ocean and feeling oh so small. There is freedom, and there is magic.

This freedom has a price, though, and the price is loneliness. I wouldn't want a lifetime of this, it would kill me, but for a while, a very little while, when the solitude is still bearable, this freedom is perfect.

"Now more than ever do I realize that I will never be content with a sedentary life, that I will always be haunted by thoughts of a sun-drenched elsewhere.”  ― Isabelle Eberhardt

This blog is my way of capturing what I'm feeling right now to savor it forever. I hope that someday, when I'm back home and at a different phase in my life, perhaps feeling bogged down by a thousand other things, I will be able to recall this feeling of freedom, and remember that it has to come from within. There will always be places to see, all you need is the desire to see them. 

Lessons [Part Three]

I have an ongoing list of things that I have learned in life thus far.
Lessons
Lessons - 2

Here's more:

70. People are very, very similar. And that's awesome.
71. People are very, very different. And that's awesome.
72. You don't need to know how to swim to be able to snorkel.
73. Life jackets are extremely effective.
74. I am very small. My life is very small. The world is very, very big, and extends way beyond my existential crisis.
75. American food is not at all bland.
76. To get a job in a government office, being grumpy and borderline mean is a global requirement. (e.g. NADRA in Pk or the RMV/DMV office in the US)
77. Indians love biryani and associate it with Pakistan.
78. There is more to see than can ever be seen, more to do than can ever be done. - Lion King
79. Mexican food is freakin' amazing.
80. Some people will not like you. Even if you try really, really hard.
81. Canada has a horrible visa website.
82. There are a huge number of poor people in the US. There are a huge number of beggars in the US. Here, they're called the 'Homeless'.
83. Latin American culture is extremely similar to South Asian Culture. There are also definite overlaps with Korean culture.
84. When they say this is your 'Last chance for 50% off!', they're lying. There are sales every. single. day.
85. Dim sum is delicious.
86. A lot of people whom you thought were your friends, cannot stand you once you attain some form of success.
87. The western world has no idea what a 'love marriage' is. That's what every marriage is supposed to be.
88. Drunk people are a little scary.
89. When you go to the emergency room, it is not like Grey's Anatomy/ER/Scrubs/House at all. Waiting 3-6 hours is actually considered normal, unless you come in an ambulance. In the emergency room..
90. Most Americans can eat spicy food pretty easily.
91. Cakes will still fail.
92. Biryani also fails. Often.
93. Your true friends are the ones who will eat your biryani happily even when it fails. And praise the taste. Because the taste is what matters.
94. Living alone is really scary, and it changes you irrevocably.
95. Subways are the best ever. You can make new friends there every day.
96. When people question you about your country, you realize how hard it is to answer. Because answering for your whole country is a massive generalization, and not at all true. And you realize that this is how it is for other countries too, and so a judgement passed by anyone on the basis of their nationality, religion, or any 'mass' factor will always remain a lie.
97. Losing weight is extremely hard.
98. Losing people is extremely easy.
99. A successful marriage is not one which does not end in divorce.
100. The art of cooking is overrated.
101. Clubbing is way less fun than I thought it would be. Huge disappointment.
102. Highschool never ends.
103. Being non-judgmental is extremely tricky business.
104. There is a definite lack of empathy in the world now. The value of human life is negligible.
105. Marriage, in general, is a sucky concept.
106. Aunties are fun.
107. Once you start travelling, you don't have a single 'home' any more. You will leave pieces of your heart in every single street you pass through, and you'll miss it forever.
108. The handsomest men will be found accompanying their kids at parks. I'm convinced this has to do with natural selection.
109. When in doubt, eggs.
110. You are responsible for your own happiness.
111. Cleaning never gets easy.
112. Visa application/all sorts of official, document related stuff, is a huge headache and always will be.
113. To get a good job, you need connections, and this is a global phenomenon.
114. Travelling is amazing. Airplanes suck.
115. There is love in the most unexpected places. It makes up for the people who will never like you.

It's all a matter of perspective.