You and me

'Cause it's you and me...

Hold on.

What are you staring at?

This is me.

*nods wisely*

How do you make sure your day goes well?

Start by having ice cream for breakfast. True story.

9:30 a.m.

Yesterday sucked so bad, I decided to take charge. So I am going to do everything possible to make sure today is better, and I started off having ice cream for breakfast. Soft-serve Belgian Chocolate. Just a single scoop, but it makes a huge difference I tell you!

Next: Update my blog from office. Oh yes, you heard me. Yesterday I spent FIVE HOURS absolutely free. I mean, office hours are 9:30 am to 5:30 pm, and honestly, I spent five hours in there doing absolutely nothing. And these people do not allow me to listen to music, or browse on the internet - EVERYTHING is blocked and there's a 60 minute 'entertainment/social networking' quota which expires in the first half of the day. Argh. I spent hours on wikipedia researching random comic characters. Like Calvin and Hobbes and Agnes.

I love Calvin and Hobbes. I printed out some good strips for my cubicle too. But more on that later..

2:04 p.m.

So I sat in my cubicle, alone and free, from 10:30 till 1:00 pm. I had completed the work assigned to me before time and no one was free to give me any more, even though I kept hounding them. I was sad and happy in equal measures, to be honest. I read my copy of Reader's Digest Asia twice. This is what I looked like:

I look like a weird gnome.

Yes, sad, I know.

Anyway, at 1:00 pm my supervisor called me in for a viva/oral test on financial concepts he had asked me to prepare over the weekend. I didn't eaxctly pass with flying colors but it wasnt so bad. He gave me a little more work which I finished by 1:30 pm and then I was off to lunch!

For lunch today I went to the company's cafe with a colleague. It was a pleasant hour or so - the food was okayish but the company was interesting. I did meet another colleague, so that puts the total number of people I know in my office at 9. Yaay. Really.

5:13 p.m.

I did some work until 3:45 pm, and then we closed everything to go to the head office where there was a birthday celebration for someone in the department. Sadly, I was unable to eat anything there except a tiny slice of cake because of the lunch I had had. But it was still interesting because I got introduced to the whole Finance department! And the Head Office is cooler than our branch.

We came back around 4:30 p.m., I wrapped up the work I had been doing and closed shop. That was it. For the day. Would you believe I'm being paid to spend days like this? Maybe they're pranking me or something.

How long do you think I'll last? My mum has her money on six months.
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By the way, this is so cute: http://bluecentric.com/?p=26948

Pal bhar main dhoo'an..

Jab teri samandar aankho'n main iss shaam ka sooraj doobay ga
Sukh soein gay ghar darr walay aur raaho apni rah le ga
Pal bhar ko amar - pal bhar main dhoo'an...

I seem to be living in a state of limbo for the past few days. I can easily trace it back to around the 1st of December, when I started my new job. But it's not just the job. There is so much in life that seems to be going wrong, and I feel absolutely helpless. Life is out of control, and I don't know what to do about it. Worse, I feel that, somewhere deep inside, I have finally given up.

To a lot of people, this may sound like abject thanklessness. I do not want for anything. I have people who love me, no major money problems, and I managed to land a job in spite of the horrible economic crisis. I should have been ecstatic; and truth be told, I keep telling myself the exact same thing. But a few events have occurred in my life, and that of those closest to me, that have made me wary of optimism.

Once upon a time I promised myself I'd always be happy, no matter what. It is becoming increasingly difficult to stick to that promise. I'm living my life in the most pathetic, useless, one-day-at-a-time manner ever. I wake up, throw on an outfit randomly with little though to my appearance and rush to my office. I go through the day working mindlessly, completing tasks which do not excite me and which do not use my brain or any of my competencies and capabilities. At 5:30 pm, I put a big cross on my calender to mark another day, and go home. I pass time doing absolutely nothing until I fall asleep. And so the cycle continues.

I haven't dressed up in ages. I haven't even touched my camera in weeks. I feel as if I haven't had FUN in ages. I know for a fact that this is not true, but this is how I FEEL and how I feel isn't always factual or rational but it still is.

I'm so scared of what my future is going to hold, so scared of the fleeting, insubstantial, undependable nature of happiness, I just want to run away and hide. Alone.

The Final Year Trip

I was so scared I wouldn't be able to go, especially because very few girls were going, and I knew my parents would have a problem about it. But this trip is like the final glaze on the fantastic four years spent at uni, and there was no way I was ready to miss it, even if I was the only female going. The six days we spent touring the northern areas of Pakistan were well worth all the begging, cajoling and anxiety that went before! 

I swear, those six days, it felt like we were in a movie. You know, Dil Chahta Hai type. Or even Rang De Basanti but without the bloodshed. Driving around country lanes with friends, breath taking scenic beauty all around... life was spectacular.   

We spent hours and hours (and hours) in our buses and, later, in our jeeps, singing songs, playing countless hands of bluff, snacking randomly and sleeping [those of us who could].

Zain, asleep on  the poor drivers shoulder on the jeep ride to Astore

The driver finally made him sit in the back!

I could, obviously, sleep.

There were trekking and hiking trips...

 

Hiking to Rama Lake

...and splashing about in nearly frozen lakes...

We had this competition about who could stay in the freezing water longest and I WON I swear

 My shocking pink slipperssss <3

And then there was the trip to the Deosai Plains, to see the spectacular frozen lake. We were the first tourists after the thaw, and locals by the road side cheered up on as we passed through the fantastic vistas in our open jeep. A small pack of wild horses crossed our path, manes flying in the winds, to disappear over a small hillock. The snow, the patches of greenery... even the clouds were amazingly beautiful.

Astore Valley

Astore Valley

A view of The Killer Mountain (NangaParbat) from Raikot

The Deosai Plains

The lake itself just took our breath away. Cradled in the midst of mountains on one side and plains on the others, the lake was absolutely still. It seemed, standing there, as if Time had frozen in that valley. The water of the lake had frozen in waves, each crest and trough easily discernible. We could only stare at it in awe and wonder at the beauty of God and His creations.

The spectacular Deosai Lake

On the way back, we had another amazing experience:

Yes, we peed here.

Yes, the rest of the thirteen vehicles [and some seventy guys] waited =D

The trip would not have been this awesome but for my friends, who stood by me through all my fights with the ignorant faculty supervisor, shared their food with me, got me countless cups of coffee, put up with my bossy ways.... the list goes on and on. =)

Our fugly snow-weirdo in Deosai

Our Rama attempt, Astore

 There was so much dust on the road!

In front of the frozen Deosai Lake

Photography by: Usman Zahid, Najeen, Rehan Tariq, Fahad Raza, Fatema Ahmed

Little Artists!

It's been so long since I last posted, and such a lot of life I've lived in these months! I promise, I've thought about blogging at least every other day, but I don't know why I just wouldn't make the move.

But yes, about my life since May. Well, remember that Sunday in when I had that break down I talked about? Let's take it from there.

I am happy to report that every SINGLE issue I highlighted in that post resolved to the best possible results. That is the beauty of analysis in hindsight. It allows you to see the patterns so clearly - how God had it all planned out from the get-go, and you were just wasting energy hyperventilating about things you cannot control. I am, in no way, against the occasional mellow dramatic breakdown. In fact, I quite enjoy mine, and I have great faith in their contribution to a healthier, happier life. But hindsight makes you feel foolish about it. Some times.

Anyway, I digress. To get back on track, let me tell you about the Little Artists' Competitiiioooonnnn! Eeeeeeks! I get so excited just thinking back about those days! SO much stress - I ACTUALLY cried (with tears and all) when I did not get my designated venue empty and clean in time from the Creative department [who were using it as their work place], the night before the competition! But the excitement, the drama, the thrill of bringing together an event, ensuring everything runs smoothly, last minute issues, dealing with crisis situations [there were many!] and then playing with the children... It was LOVELY! I'm very results oriented, and it was out of this world to get the direct feedback from teachers and parents, as well as see the excitement of the children and know they were able to have FUN!

We had face painting, mask making, macaroni jewellery making, pottery painting, even dancing [waka waka ftw!] along with the actual competitions! My team was one of the largest in the whole of NASCON, and we definitely had the largest number of participants [MORE that eighty kids under the age of twelve and even a couple of babies! <3] compared to any other event! I have to add that every single member of my team pulled their weight. We had the best security, who ensured no kids could run out of our camp area unless escorted by their own parent, teacher, or our team members, even to go to the loo! It is a credit to my fantastic team that, in those two hectic full days, with more than eighty children and at least fifty rotating adults, there was not a single case where a child wandered off or was lost!

The event did not go off without a hitch -there were, in fact, some serious glitches due to miscommunications between participating schools and parents' of participating children [actually nothing to do with us, but we got caught in the cross fire]. Right before the start of the event, the parents assumed it was our mistake and, as the person in charge, I got a fantastic scolding from a few of the more aggressive individuals!

  They do look formidable, don't they?

It makes me happier, today, knowing that we were able to deal successfully with what could have turned out to be the deal breaker issues for our event! There was not a SINGLE parent or teacher who went away unhappy, and the kids just did not want to leave! =D

I was SO in my element rushing around bossing people! =D

For All of You

Credit: Z.Z.K.A 

My four years at NU-FAST have finally come to an end. We're going through our last week at uni now days, and I have very confusing feelings about this.

If you know me at all, you know that I'm an extremely emotional person. And if you knew me back in my A'levels, you'd know that I spent the last month and a half before high school ended crying. I hate good byes. I cannot stand losing people.

And this is losing them. no matter what we say, regardless of all the promises we make to stay in touch and get together frequently, the truth is, in another month or so, life as we know it will be no more.

These are the people I've seen every day of my life, through eighteen to twenty-two: the years that have had a huge impact on me; which shaped who I am and decided how I will look at, and deal with, the rest of my life. These people have seen me cry, shout and have nervous break-downs. We've acted crazy, had fun, and gotten in trouble together. I've had arguments with most of them. We've worked together on projects and put together events. We've loved each other and we've hated each other.

We have history together. And in a few days, all we will have are memories.

I'm happy to think of the future. No more assignments, no more worrying about grades. The thought of being economically independant is a huge rush. We're finally "growing up", and maybe that'll be fun. At the very least, it will finally be a break from the constant academic pressure. But I'm going to miss every single one of these people. Even the ones I actively dislike.

FAST is home. I've belonged here, and it has belonged to me. For four long years I entered here every morning, and if I so desired, I could stay here well into the night. We could do whatever we wanted, sit where ever we liked, and do it with the confidence that we could. In my mind these corridors will always resound with the songs we sang here, the common rooms with shared confidences. There were gossip sessions in empty class rooms, dancing in the ladies room, and celebrations in the cafeteria. There were impromptu basketball games, and hundreds of new friendships. We took life changing decisions and made critical choices, and worked through depression, hurt and anger with these friends. There were squabbles over work, class politics, and begging random juniors for lunch money. And there was a whole lot of love.  

This is what I see when I look back over the last four years. This is what I'll always remember.

This is what I will forever miss.